Hope

Earlier this morning, (even before our pastor talked about it in his sermon...that was a God moment) I was thinking about the similarities between Jesus' followers during the time between the crucifixion and resurrection and us during the Covid pandemic. They had locked themselves in a house/room to protect themselves. They felt fear and disbelief at what was happening. They were uncertain of what was to come next. It seemed like the dark things of this world and death had won. Sound familiar?

I always count myself blessed to already know the end of that first Easter story. Jesus' resurrection is full of light, hope for the future and reassurance of God's presence. During our time in world history, we don't know what the end of the Covid pandemic will look like. While living in the middle of this uncertain story, we can personally claim the truth of light and hope Jesus brought many years ago.

Many of us have vowed that when this is over things will be different. We want to be able to take something good and valuable away from this difficult situation. After Jesus' resurrection things on earth were never the same. Sin and death can no longer separate us from God. We are made into a new creation. We can now be called God's beloved child.

The Holy Spirit came down and gave Jesus life that Sunday morning. When Jesus went to his followers he "breathed on them and gave them the Holy Spirit." (John 20:22 paraphrase) We are also given the Holy Spirit when we claim this act of love and salvation to be true for ourselves. In Ephesians 1:13 (NLT) it says, "The truth is the Good News. When you heard the truth, you put your trust in Christ. Then God marked you by giving you His Holy Spirit as a promise."

Like many of you, I'm sure, I've had ups and downs over these past few weeks. Times of feeling overwhelmed and full of fear. Times of hope, reassurance and trusting that God is in control. And everything in between! Over here we are honestly living day by day, sometimes even hour by hour. The times I feel the most at peace are when I pause, lift my eyes from the problem at hand (world pandemic, squirrelly children, juggling work and kids' schooling, health flare ups) and focus on God's faithfulness. May this Easter Sunday be a reminder to you and I that Jesus light and hope of deliverance can be experienced by us today. May the Holy Spirt constantly remind us of this and give us peace as we experience life in these uncertain times.

I now leave you with a song by Phil Wickham, Living Hope. I heard it while making dinner. This declares in song form all that I have been reflecting on today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-1fwZtKJSM

Glory Moments

Note: The first part of this post was written a little over a year ago and I didn't finish/publish it. I have still been thinking about this Bible story and how we can deal with suffering and pain in our lives. Part two was written today.

Part One:
Last September my little niece, Claire, was born unexpectedly and early. Her mom needed an emergency c-section and as a result little Claire's lungs were not fully developed. In the following weeks she had ups and downs but now is a vibrant, adorable 9 month old *revised...almost 2 year old. One morning, while down on my knees praying, I recalled the story in the Bible when some friends brought a paralyzed man before Jesus. They were so desperate to get their loved one into Jesus' presence they tore a hole in the roof and lowered him through it.

This morning I found myself down on my knees praying for another loved one. I decided to read this story and read some commentary to see what I could learn. The version I read is found in Mark 2:1-12. A few things stuck out to me while reading it: the friends had to dig through the muddy, thatched roof; Jesus initial response was to forgive their sins and then to heal the man; Jesus was able to see into the hearts of those present without them even saying a word; in the end they were all amazed and glorified God.

As a friend or family member of someone going through a difficult situation we don't always know what to do. Likewise, when we are the one in the middle of it, our thoughts and prayers are quite jumbled. What I love about prayer is that we can surround those struggling, bring them into God's presence and ask for healing, comfort and strength on their behalf. We may need to dig deep and persevere on their behalf just like the friends in this story. They had no easy task bringing their friend before Jesus but in doing so they brought him hope.

When Jesus saw the man, he didn't immediately command him to get up and walk like everyone expected. Instead he said, "Son, your sins are forgiven." Jesus is first concerned with the man's spirit and soul. After being sick and bed ridden for what we think is years, it's safe to assume that both his body and spirit are wounded.

Part Two:
Yesterday at church we sang the song Glory to Glory (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuAjUul-iUM). Every time I sing it the words of the chorus stick out to me. Here they are:

We go from glory to glory to glory
We'll never be the same, we'll never be the same
We go from glory to glory to glory
We're forever changed, forever changed

Imagine if we thought of our difficult situations, times of suffering and pain, periods of questioning God's will or lack of action in our lives as glory moments. They can be opportunities for us to experience God's grace that will forever change our hearts and understanding of Him. Hopefully, like the crippled man from the story above, both our body and soul will be healed and made new.

As I wrote last year, there may be moments we don't have words and have to rely on others to pray for us and with us. But I would encourage you, when you have a good day in the midst of your suffering, or if you are in a peaceful period in your life at the moment, to ask God what you can learn about Him and yourself from the situation. Pray for him to change your heart and open your soul to His work.

I have just come out of a challenging work situation. I am looking forward to new and good things as I start a new job tomorrow. There were moments when I questioned why God wasn't working on my behalf, helping me get a call back from the numerous jobs I was applying to. Then praying for strength for myself and my family as I worked at a job with challenging hours these past few months. I want all those moments of questioning, heartache and sometimes even despair, to be moments I can give God glory for.

He is faithful. He has a bigger and better plan then we can ask for or imagine. He will give you what you need in order to make it out of your situation. He will carry you through. I have experienced this first hand and want to give God all the glory. My hope is that the more I remind myself of these truths while I am thinking clearly and seeing God's plan at work, the easier it will be to recall when I am questioning and in the midst of a hard time.

What Do You Remember?

We woke up this morning and had no running water. It took three simple actions - flush the toilet, fill the cup, turn on the shower - to drain all the water out of the pipes in the bathroom upstairs. Right away my mind began to question what I needed to do in the day and if I needed water for it. Shower is clearly off the list, good thing I just bought some dry shampoo. Coffee, check. Keurig has a reserve of water. Teeth brushing, check. We had one bottle of water to share. I was getting the hang of this. Looking at the dishes in the sink I decided that if the water was not back on by this afternoon I could fetch some bottled water from the store, boil it and wash the dishes.

This week I have been thinking a lot about Remembrance Day. When I was thinking about my dishes this morning my mind went to the mothers who cared for their families during WWII. There must have been many trips to fetch water for the day. She probably had many mornings of improvising and putting on a brave face for her children despite unforeseen and desperate circumstances. My mind also goes to the mothers who face these challenges today. To the families currently living in war torn countries or living in sub-standard conditions in our own country.

As I've gotten older the moment of silence taken at 11:11 each Remembrance Day has held different thoughts and prayers. As a child, images of the "old" veterans I had just seen or heard of that morning filled my mind. I would thank God that I live in Canada and pray for my family that had to endure the war. As a young adult the knowledge of present day war impacted myself and my extended family directly. I thought of my cousin (through marriage) Glen, of his family, friends and the colleagues he fought with in Afghanistan. I thanked God for people who risk their lives to save innocent ones. I thanked God that I live in Canada in peace and freedom.

As an adult one minute doesn't seem like enough time to lift up all my thoughts and prayers. There seems to be so many things to process and be thankful for. In addition to all the thoughts mentioned above, I am thankful for the Canadian soldiers that marched through the streets of the Netherlands to bring freedom to my family. I am thankful that my great-grandparents loaded most or all of their children on a ship to Canada in search of a new start. I am thankful God was faithful to them and provided for them along the way. I pray for the hearts and minds of those who have and still live and fight during any war. I know there are images that still haunt their memories and dreams.

This week two books have come to mind during my reflections. One is From Far Away by Robert Munsch. It is the true story of a family who moves from a war torn country to Canada, told from a little girl's perspective. From this story I am reminded that there are still people living in fear, trying to care for their children the best they can with what they can. I pray God will give them what they need, when they need it. I can't even imagine what it would be like to fear for your children's lives on a daily basis.

The other book is called Once We Were Brothers by Liam Taggart and Catherine Lockhart. This is a novel about a Jewish family living in Poland during WWII. The timeline goes between present day and war time. In the story one of men was asked why his family didn't leave their home before their town was occupied. His response has stuck with me. He said that they kept thinking and hoping someone would come and stop the Nazi troops before it got any worse. I just felt so sad that things got so much worse for so many people and they were left waiting and hoping for years before someone came to free them.

The last book I'm going to quote is the Bible. It is the only book I can read that gives lasting hope even when things seem hopeless. In Revelation 21 God tells us that one day there will be a new heaven and new earth. This is how it is described in verse 4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." I look forward to this because there seems to be so much mourning, crying and pain in our broken world. Thank you God for the ultimate freedom we have in Jesus. Thank you that we can put our hope in him and that he is preparing this new heaven and earth for us.

This is a photo of my Pake (grandpa) visiting a grave sight in Holland this spring.

An Ode to Mothers in my Life

There are so many important women that have shaped my idea of motherhood that it warrants a whole blog post. I will first talk about the one who I first called Mom. She has always made me feel loved and cherished. As I grew to shape the view I have of myself and my place in the world, she taught me that God loves me unconditionally and that she does too. He created me with a purpose and plan in this world. As I have gotten older, I feel so blessed to call her my friend and mom. I love spending time with her, watching her lavish hugs and kisses on my kids, talking to her about anything I have going on and hearing her advice and encouragement as I continue to learn during each new stage of life. Thank you so much, Mom, for always being there for me and our whole family. I love you more than words can say!



Pictured above is my Mom, Beppe and my first babe Hailee. Both Derek and I come from Dutch heritage. All of our grandparents immigrated from Holland after WW2. When I reached adulthood and began raising my family this impacted me beyond eating droopies and using a dukie to scrub the counter. (Sorry for the misspelling). I began to picture what living through war and immigrating to an unknown country might look like as a mother. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by this immense responsibility of raising kids. To make the decision to immigrate to another country in the hopes of providing your family with a better life shows such strength, courage and faith. Being able to look back at God's faithfulness to our families through that time gives me hope and assurance that He will continue to lead, guide and provide for all we will need in the future.

My Beppe Rauwerda (above) has shown me how to love deeply and with no strings attached. She has such a gentle spirit and giving heart. My Beppe Vander Kooi, pictured below with my youngest babe Joshua, has shown me what deep faith looks like. She still has a real thirst to uncover what God's word says to us today and is not shy to talk about who He is.



Derek's Oma Hollander, below, has shown me where perseverance and hard work can get you. While in her 80's she has volunteered, continued to drive herself around, host her friends for card games and I think she still made it up to the cottage on the boat. And on top of all these things she still makes time to come to our family gatherings and care for one of the many great grandchildren she has.



Also in the picture above is my wonderful Mother-in-law. Her thoughtfulness for others and generous heart has not only shown me what a caring mother and good friend should look like, it has also made me feel like I was one of their family from the get go. (We're talking close to 20 years now. Can't believe it!) Thank you, Mom, for always being there for myself, Derek and the whole family. I love you couldn't do it with out!

Also a shout out to all my sisters who are also Moms: Shannon, Leah, Renee, and Steph! Your companionship, listening ear, phone calls, love and support as we navigate this thing called motherhood are irreplaceable! Love you all.

And of course, to the littles who have made me a Mom. Hailee, Lauren and Joshua. I love you each more than words can describe. I hope I can influence your life in the same way all these wonderful women have influenced mine.

Oh the Places You'll Go (When you're snowed in and housebound)

We are on day three of the first week after Christmas break and it's the second snow day. Probably like some of you reading, my girls had one day of school after the break and then two days off. I figured we needed some structure this afternoon in order to keep us all sane. Inspired by some of their Christmas gifts (a Dr. Seuss colouring book and nail art set) we did Dr. Seuss themed activities. Here are some pics we took to document it. It was lots of fun and now they are watching The Lorax while I am writing this. Leave a comment on how you're beating the winter crazies!

We coloured and read Oh the Places You'll Go

They made a suitcase and wrote about where they would go and what they would do there.

We did a science experiment with milk, food colouring and dish soap.

They got their nails done to look like the cover of the book.

Humble Obedience

Wow. I can't believe it's been over a year since I've written a blog post. It has definitely not been due to a lack of action in our life...in fact I would say it's the opposite. There has been a lot going on. This past year I have been pregnant, suffered some serious health issues rendering me bed ridden and have welcomed and adjusted to life with our new baby Joshua. God has given me opportunities, yet again, to fully depend on Him. He has been revealing more of who He is and challenging me to become more like Him. I hope to take the time to back track and share some of these past reflections but today I want to write what I've been reflecting on this week.

I am doing a Bible study with an awesome group of ladies from church. This week we are delving into the topic of faith and learning what the Bible tells us active faith looks like. As I was reading through today's lesson I was playing Christmas songs on YouTube. One of my favourites is Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant. The song puts a voice to how Mary was probably feeling while she was pregnant with Jesus. It struck me that she is one of many examples of what active faith in God looks like.

Looking in Luke 1 we read that when told by the angel Gabriel that she was to become pregnant Mary was troubled and asked, "How will this be since I am a virgin?" To some this may seem like a statement of unbelief but I think it shows two things. First: she is not any more holy or special than you or I. She had the same reaction most of us would. She was startled at the sight of an angel coming to speak to her. And she was trying to figure out the earthy logistics of how her being pregnant was going to happen since she was a virgin. Which leads to the second: Mary heard what God planned to do in her life and she was asking him what that would like. She didn't say, "No. Go choose someone else." She asking God to share with her what the whole situation would look like. Knowing at this point in her life there were physical impossibilities, she was asking God what was His plan to make it happen. Her reaction to His plan speaks volumes to her faith.

After hearing that the Holy Spirit was to come upon her and she will bear a child that will be the Son of God she reacts by saying, "I am the Lord's servant." Wow. This whole conversation was maybe one minute long and she has already submitted to God with these words. One act of obedience I have been called to was being baptized. It took me months to utter the words that Mary so quickly spoke. I remember walking to the front of the church, shaking and crying while asking someone to pray with me about it. I remember being scared to go in front of the whole church and placing myself in that vulnerable position. It took me days, weeks, even months to say yes to God. Mary was able to get to that position of obedience in a matter of moments. What faith!

After this initial encounter Mary went to live with her cousin Elizabeth for a few months. As she travelled there, I'm sure Mary had a million things running through her head. After that time of reflection and her conversation with Elizabeth Mary comes to some profound conclusions. There is a passage called Mary's song in verses 46-55 of Luke 1. In her song she glorifies God and counts herself blessed. She recalls all the times in history God was faithful to His people and trusts He will be faithful in her circumstance. Instead of thinking more highly of herself for being chosen for this task she takes the position of humility.

In her circumstance Mary allows herself to be transformed to become more like God. Ironically, the very child she will birth nine months down the road will show humanity exactly what humility, obedience and faithfulness looks like. She is taking on the qualities of Jesus before he is even born. The quality that stands out to me most is humility. There are so many examples of humility to be found in the story of Christmas.

We often think about the stable and manger as depictions of Jesus humble state. Having another new baby my life has reminded me again just how helpless and dependent babies are. Jesus' humble state went so beyond the physical. Yes, he depended on Mary to be fed, to be kept warm, to be kept healthy and safe when the king of the land was killing babies. But there is a desire and need to be nurtured and loved that only a baby can so innocently convey. Every now and then I think about the fact that Jesus, son of God, present at the creation of the Earth, was as vulnerable as my baby Joshua. Jesus was equal to God, living in heaven. He didn't hang on to that reality. Instead he obeyed his Father and came down to earth. He didn't come down poof, as an adult. He came as a baby, needing his Mom and Dad. Crying when he needed something. Being restricted by the function of a human body. Needing guidance and teaching from his parents. All these things give us a clear picture of what obedience out of a humble heart looks like.

I hope and pray during this Advent season God continues to show me what active faith looks like. May it inspire us to react to God the same way Mary and Jesus did by saying, "I am the Lord's servant."

God's Limitless Power

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You're working for our good and for Your glory

These are lyrics to a song we sang in church this morning. My prayer during the most difficult time in my life was that God would use my suffering for His good and my good. Those of you who have known me more than three years know that my most difficult time has been my struggle with alopecia. During that time, in the middle of all the questions and uncertainty I had an "Ah hah" moment in my car. I remember hearing the Gospel message over the radio and realizing that God used this circumstance to bring me closer to Him. Instead of asking Him, "How much longer must I endure this?" my heart turned to gratitude. I realized that I would rather go through all the pain and loneliness at that time and come out of it closer to Him than not to have gone through it at all.

This year I have been able to use my experience for God's glory. In the Spring I was able to share my experience with a friend whose daughter has alopecia. Again, I felt gratitude to God for allowing me to have my experience with alopecia. I remember thinking, even if the only reason I experienced my struggles earlier was to be able to come alongside a friend and her daughter, then it was worth it. Then God could use my story for His good and His glory.

Recently, I have also been able to reconnect with an old girlfriend who will be going for cancer treatment and faces the possibility of losing her hair. I remember thinking so many times, "If I feel like this over my hair loss alone, how hard it must be to face the thought of losing your hair and having the weight of cancer on your mind." I just hope that I can offer people in similar situations hope and the reassurance they are not alone. I relied on the hope of God's faithfulness. He was my strength when I felt so weak and helpless to my situation. He heard my cries of anguish and gave me the strength I needed to get through my day.

We can rely on God's strength when we have nothing left in us. He had the power to raise Jesus from the dead and we have access to that power! Honestly, it blows my mind. Paul wrote this prayer to the Ephesians and this is my prayer to anyone of you who are suffering, lost and weak right now. "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ Jesus when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms."

We are doing a sermon series on Ephesians at church and it cannot hit closer to home for me. I was reminded of all these things this morning and I just want to share it with everyone. God is powerful and offers us a limitless source of strength. He wants to be close to us and will turn difficult situations into good. I just want to give him the glory and fame for the work He has done and is doing in my life. I am still struggling with alopecia. It seems to come and go in cycles. I often catch myself looking in the mirror and get annoyed at the bald patch I see or the short hairs I can't tame. I try to use those instances as reminders. I am quick to take control of my life and try to do everything on my own. That also seems to come in cycles. I am trying to be intentional that, when I look in the mirror and get discouraged, instead of grumbling I use it as a reminder to rely on God.

I pray that instead of feeling overwhelmed by our difficult situations, we will feel overwhelmed by the wide, long, high and deep love of Christ.

(Here is a picture of a vast ocean. I can't get the image out of my head of filling the bucket of my soul into God's vast ocean to be engulfed by Him).