Deep Love

To start this post off I want to acknowledge two very important women in my life - by mothers. This morning I was able to worship God through song and was reminded of His astounding sacrifice. I was given that opportunity because of both my mothers. My mother-in-law, posted a song on Facebook this morning by a group named Selah. After listening to the song she posted I listened to another one sung by them "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." (I was able to engross myself in the song and worship God because the girls are spending special time with my Mom and Dad this weekend.) I am so thankful for both of them and the way they encourage me in my walk with God. I feel beyond blessed that I can call them mom but also sister-in-Christ.

Last week read a story that I could totally relate to. A woman was writing about a time in her life when she was recalling God's faithfulness to her and a prayer she said. This is how she describes it:

                 "I recall telling him [God] that I was ready to follow whatever plans he had for me, saying,                   "Use me as you will." The same moment I prayed, a surprising inner voice hurled out the                      following words to God, "Just don't touch my kids.""

She later went on to describe that her son was diagnosed with a brain tumor two months later and how God was faithful to them during those difficult days. I admit that I have said that prayer myself. I shudder at the thought of any sort of harm coming to my girls. I would do anything to protect them from danger and distress. And when I think of how much love I have for them, I am overwhelmed of how much love God has for me.

Here's the thing. God loves Jesus, his son, as much or probably even more than I love my kids. He was willing to sacrifice that love, put His son through hell, because He loves me, too. The only way I can know Him, experience His grace and some day spend eternity with Him is because His love is so vast. I am overwhelmed by that thought. Every time it hits me it brings me to tears.

Here are the lyrics to the song "How Deep the Father's Love for Us"

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

I will not boast in anything I have done but I will boast in and give glory to God and what His sacrifice has brought me. Here's the song, give it a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vmY2ztb5xc

Expectations

First things first, I wanted to post some pictures from Friday. My two girls and I did spa/makeover treatments to each other. I was going to post them to Facebook but wanted to add more than a one-lined explanation about our activity. So here are the pictures.

My six-year-old painted my fingernails, my four-year-old brushed my hair and put the lovely head band in. All of us put our feet in the spa footbath and I painted all their finger and toe nails. Now for the explanation. I had been a real grump the day before. I was thinking too much, lost in my own world. My fuse was short so when one thing went wrong I would snap at them. Doing this spa was my way of making up for my shortcomings the day before. I wanted to share our photos with family and friends because I know they like to see the girls and what we do together. What I didn't want to do was portray an unreal picture of our summer days. It would be false to portray myself as the perfect Mom who spends her summer giving her girls spa treatments. I feel there is a danger when it comes to social media. We look at people's pictures and get a skewed view of their life. Whether it's that they have the worst life ever (from the constant complainers) or that they have it all together and are way better off than we are. I know this is true for myself and would guess it's true for you, as well. Today I want to talk about the unrealistic expectations we have of ourselves that can come when we browse the internet and social media. My goal is to remind all of you that no one is perfect (despite all those perfect family photos we see on Facebook) and that you ought to cut yourself some slack.

With each cell phone and iPad that enters our home anyone from "the outside world" is given a gateway into our homes and lives. Recently, I have been taking natural opportunities with my six-year-old to teach her about Internet safety and the need to protect herself online. (Age-appropriate lessons, I might add). I believe that as adults, we also have a need to protect ourselves online. We need to protect ourselves from holding ourselves to unrealistic expectations, comparing ourselves to others and giving into feelings such as jealousy and judging. 

1. Unrealistic Expectations: Who loves Pinterest? I do, I do! I love getting ideas for crafts, activities for the kids and dinner. (I also have a secret board filled with fitness inspirations, most of which I have NEVER done). A couple of summers ago I was totally obsessed with trying to do all the crafts and home decor ideas I had pinned. I put this ridiculous, unnecessary pressure on myself to do all the things I had pinned. I don't know why but thankfully I have let it go. Now, my enjoyment comes from appreciating pretty pictures, people's talent and beautiful homes that I will probably never have. And I'm ok with that. I'm working on letting go of things I thought I would have accomplished or acquired at this point in my life. I remember staying over night at my best friend's house, sharing our thoughts and desires for the future. Our wonderfully optimistic, sixteen-year-old selves had this timeline in mind: meet the man we will marry in high school (which we both actually did), marry him when we are twenty (didn't think about finishing University), start having children by twenty one, and finish having children by thirty. Things for both of us turned out differently than we had planned. I had my first child when I was twenty six and feel like that was absolutely the right thing for us. Looking back, I wouldn't have done anything different. I learned so much about myself and grew tremendously in my early twenties. I cherish the first three years of marriage we had before our children were born. I cherish the many nights and weekends we spent with my previously mentioned best friend and her husband. Those are memories and important moments in our life that are essential to who we are today. Instead of getting caught up in what I expected myself to be doing at this point in my life, I choose to be happy with my what my life holds right now. When I look to the past I am happy things didn't go as I had planned at sixteen and as I look to the future I have hope and reassurance that God has good things ahead.

2. Comparing Ourselves: Try not look at one snapped moment of people's lives and think they have it all. I guarantee you they don't. Whether we talk openly about it or not, everyone struggles with something. Things can often look a certain way from the outside but we don't know what really goes on. With that being said, it is also easy to get caught up in judging others based on the same premise of getting a quick glimpse into their life.

3. Jealousy and Judgement: I admit that I have done it with in the past few days. I was looking at a picture of someone who was on vacation, thinking they sure had "the life." I could feel that twinge of jealousy and wishing things were different for me. It's important to recognize this when it happens and remind ourselves of all the blessings and good things we have in our life. The same goes for judging people. We don't know what drives people to make certain choices. We don't know what has happened in their life that affects their decisions about big or little things. It is important to catch ourselves when these types of negative thoughts arise and remember that we don't have the big picture.

The Internet isn't the problem, however, it is just another device that can lead us into traps that we already face. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Internet. I have toyed with the idea of quitting Facebook many times and have never done it. It is a great way to network and stay in touch. Now that I have started a business with my Mom and sisters it is a great way to promote ourselves and advertise our services. Here comes my shameless plug, our business is Country Lane Vintage Rentals. Here are some links if you'd like to see what we do.
http://www.countrylanevintagerentals.com/
https://www.facebook.com/CLVintageRentals?ref_type=bookmark
See, I embrace it. :) But in all seriousness. We have to protect our minds and hearts. These negative thoughts can creep up anytime, anywhere. Be aware of it and stop them before they bring you down. Instead of dwelling on the things about yourself or your life that you wish were different, open your eyes to the things right in front of you that can bring you joy in that moment. Once you take a good look, there are always more good things in your life than you realize. 

" Why me?" are words we often say to ourselves when we are faced with a difficult situation. The situation is often perceived by us as unfair and we feel as though the repercussions are out of our control. I am thankful that I haven't faced too many of these moments. I consider myself blessed and I thank God for this.

Just a few days ago my uncle passed away. With in my recent memory, he is only the second close relative to me that has passed away. As I've been processing my grief, the feelings and emotions I had when my grandfather passed away are coming back to the surface. When he passed away nearly ten years ago, I had several "Why me?" moments. You see, he passed away the day before my husband and I got married. He was diagnosed with cancer and after a few treatments, had to stop because his body couldn't handle it anymore. We didn't know how long he had to live and really just had to keep going with all our plans. That's the thing about life, death, and disease - they are out of our control. We are left feeling weak, vulnerable and emotional. When we are faced with a different outcome than we had hoped we are somehow comforted by uttering the words "Why me?" and giving ourselves a moment of self-pity.

I clearly remember praying a few months before the wedding, asking God to either take my grandfather now or let him live long enough to come to the wedding. In my limited understanding of the situation I thought these two options were the best and most ideal for me and my family. I believe, with all my heart, that God knew better. Going back to my theme verse in Psalm 139 David wrote about God saying, "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in, behind and before." God knows us so intimately, he knows the words we will say before we even say them. He knows our hearts and minds and cares enough about us to know when we sit and stand up. He also loves us, hears the cries of our hearts and will do what's best for us even if we desire something else.

Ten years after a major "Why me?" moment in my life I can give God the glory and praise for his timing. There are valuable qualities I learned about God and about living in a community of believers. Here are some of them:

God is faithful. When we are feeling at our lowest God hears our cries for grace and love. When we feel powerless He gives us the strength to get up, face the challenge of the day and get through it. Through the Holy Spirit, God grants us the same power He used to raise Jesus from the dead; there is nothing too big for Him!

Prayer is powerful. You might be thinking, wait a minute, you just wrote that you asked God for one thing and he didn't do what you asked. Here's my answer. It's important to bring our requests to God, humbly sharing our concerns and desires with Him but we still need to acknowledge God's divinity and sovereignty. Even Jesus ended prayer his payer in Gethsemane by saying, "Not my will, but yours." I know that the prayers of all our family and friends are what got us through those difficult moments of grief and question of why.

Community is God's desire for us. I grew up in a small church, one that all my immediate and extended family attended. The church put on a community wedding shower for me and I was thrilled to see ladies who taught me Sunday school, people who invested in my growth and faith throughout my childhood years. I really felt as though I was leaving this life to start a new one with my new husband. I also knew all those people who attended the shower and many more from the church were praying for our family during our time of mourning. I remember writing Thank You cards after the wedding and having a sense of love and support from everyone around us.

My family is now faced with another death and another wedding. My cousin, who just lost his father, is getting married this Saturday. As tempting as it is to share words of advice with him, his fiance and my aunt and to tell them it's probably for the best, I know from experience that's not what they need. All they really need to hear is I'm praying for you and I love you. It's ok to mourn and it's ok to be happy when your wedding day comes. God's grace is sufficient and will carry you through this.

Behind the Name

There are two things that are on my mind tonight. Why I chose the name Wonderfully Made for my blog is the first one I will share. Some of you may recognize the phrase from a Bible verse found in Psalm 139. In my opinion, the writer of this song, David, is describing how well God knows him and how God has been working out the details of his life since he was created inside his mother's womb. He says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." This verse, and actually, this whole psalm has been one that I have turned to my whole life. Whether I'm feeling happy, anxious, insecure, thankful, optimistic or unsure of the future, different parts will articulate how I'm feeling in that moment. I can read them out loud as a prayer to God. If you've read this passage in the Bible many times, or if you've never read it once, I would encourage you to look it up and see what part speaks to you.

My next thought is connected with this idea of being wonderfully made. I have watched a couple videos this past week that were posted to Facebook or I stumbled across them in a YouTube vortex session. (Don't you get that sometimes, when you start watching one video and then you just keep clicking the other recommended ones.) Anyways, these videos were encouraging women to love themselves and their bodies just the way they are. One woman that I watched is on a mission to make a video showing the natural beauty of women's bodies post pregnancy. I was very encouraged to see women embracing and loving themselves even though, for many of us, it can be such a struggle to do so. However, I was left with the feeling that they were missing such a huge element of true beauty. To me, having inner beauty and having confidence to let that radiate from your spirit is what's most important. 

In February of 2012, I read Psalm 139 and Psalm 73:26 that says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." You see, at the time my body or my "flesh" was failing me and I did not feel beautiful. I have something called alopecia, which is a condition that makes my hair fall out. At the time I had cut my hair short and wore a wig because my hair was so patchy. In my journal that night I wrote:

Right now my earthly body is failing me - it's rejecting my hair - leaving me feeling abnormal, strange and self-conscious. But in Psalm 139 David reflects on the fact that God intricately designed these bodies and formed them. What about people with failing bodies, abnormalities or birth defects? I think these are outward reflections of sin in our world. Even with these, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It is the work of God in our hearts that make us beautiful. It is the strength of God that allows us to grow in the face of challenges. 

I went on to write a prayer asking God to work on my heart to make me beautiful on the inside, even though I didn't feel it on the outside. One of the reasons I wanted to start a blog is to encourage people who are in the same boat. You may have alopecia or another ailment. You may just have the same feelings I do. At that time I felt very alone and that I was the only one who had to deal with this. Since then I have learned that it actually is a very common illness. However you're feeling for whatever the reason, know you're not alone! I hope something I've rambled on about will encourage you.

Well, here it is. I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog for a few years now. Look out world, here I am. There are things I have learned in this journey we call life that I want to share and encourage others with. I believe we are constantly growing and learning so as I move forward I want to share these things with others as well. For whatever reason (the biggest one being the anonymity of writing into cyberspace as opposed to looking someone in the eye) it's easier to do so in a blog. I appreciate when others are real and down to earth and it's my hope is to be the same as I share my insights on life. Recently my friend started a thankfulness blog and, taking a queue from her, my first entry is going to be about some things I'm thankful for.

I got to spend the day with my two girls and they are right at the top of my list of people I'm thankful for. Another one is warm weather which, after our long, cold winter, is also pretty high up there, too. We were out for a walk this morning, enjoying the crisp spring air, when my oldest stopped and said, "Look Mommy, a heart!" She was pointing to an untouched corner garden at the back of someone's lawn. The intended shape of the garden was not a heart, I'm sure, but that's what she saw. This is what I love about kids and why I love being around them. I'm thankful that my girls are able to explore the world around them and still see things with pure eyes. I'm thankful that they are innocent and naive and still have an untainted view of the world. The lifting of these veils will come soon enough, I know. For right now, I hope they can continue to see good in everything and share it with me. I'm thankful for quiet moments like today and hope that I will be able to tune into their world more often and not get too caught up in the "busy-ness" of life.